At Burning Man 2005, we took our commitment to increasing sexual communication to the streets. There the Bureau of Erotic Discourse (B.E.D.) led a series of fun, interactive, sex-positive workshops called “Negotiating Sex 101: How to Get Laid at BurningMan.” The HeeBeeGeeBee camp was kind enough to provide space for the workshops, and we had about 50 people attending each one. Participants—who ranged across the spectrum of gender, race, age, sexual orientation, and sexual predilection—learned about how to identify and express their own desires and boundaries in a sexual interaction as well as how to ask about and honor their partners' desires and boundaries. They learned the problems with assuming sexual consent based on physical “cues,” including the fact that many people freeze when they perceive their partner’s behavior as a transgression of their boundaries, and the fact that people misread nonverbal signals routinely. Participants therefore got the opportunity to practice a new approach of negotiating sex verbally with others. They got to enact strategies for how to make explicit consent sexy and fun.

Participants in the workshops also learned about what to do if someone is not interested in honoring their sexual boundaries. They learned skills to thwart those who would aggress against them, how to look out for one another at Burning Man, and how to intervene gently to support their friends when they believe they may be at risk. Finally, participants learned how to apply the principles of sexual negotiation to the task of getting laid at BurningMan. Whoo-hoo! The feedback was quite positive. We had a number of comments about how good it was to hear the words about boundaries. We also heard a lot about shyness. We learned a lot, and we want to try it again in 2006.

The “Negotiating Sex 101” workshops at BM 2005 were led by the engaging Mushirah. A number of other B.E.D. buddies helped guide them as well, including the charming Dr. Placebo, the glamorous Gigi-D L’Amour, the hot Pink Flamingo, the enchanting Ludo the Red Furry Beast, the flaming Regyna LongLank, the mysterious Darkling Thrush, and the alluring Jaymaree.